When in Doubt... Check them Out!

Dating is a risky business. You are letting yourself become vulnerable and giving your heart away to someone else. Are they worth the risk? Is there a way to minimize that risk? Are you having any doubts or nagging suspicions? Is your intuition nudging you and telling you to be careful, something may not be right?

When in doubt, check them out!

There are many sites, that for a small fee, will help you check them out and make sure their stories are true.Are they telling you they are single? Divorced? Have no criminal background? Why not make sure before you give your heart away? If you are going to invest time, energy and your feelings into someone why not make sure that someone is telling you the truth? of course we don't want to think they would lie. Of course we don't want to think we don't trust them enough and had them checked out. We may be afraid that if they find out, they will leave us.

Stop worrying about what they make think of you. If you were going to invest in a home, car, or anything else you would do your research. You would make sure you were not getting scammed or lied to. Do the same with your budding relationship before you jump in with both feet.

Internet dating has it's own challenges. People can claim anything and it may be hard for you to uncover the truth and you have to take them at their word. Sure, they say nice things and you feel a connection between you, but shouldn't you make sure they are who they say they are? Some internet romances may involve requests for money. How can you consider sending someone money but wont spend a small fee to find out if they are who they say they are? Look them up.

If there is no "joe blow" living in (insert town he said he lived in) that has no child named (insert name) you will have to face the reality that they are lying to you. If they said they are single but are showing up as married and NOT divorced, same thing. Don't you owe it to yourself to find out the truth? You owe more to yourself than this new person who entered your life. Play it smart, and lessen the risk of getting played.

Could You Fall Victim to a Con Artist? Part 2

Con Artist Red Flag 6:
Promises - you make them and must keep them or else, yet they always break them.
If you are constantly forgiving them for not coming through with their promises, you have shown the con artist what they can get away with, and believe me, it will escalate, and escalate. But if YOU don't keep YOUR promises, you are in BIG trouble with the con artist!! If you are always being forgiving (and they are the ones always screwing up) but they are sooo unforgiving when YOU "supposedly" screw up take a step back, and ask yourself "Why do they always expect ME to be understanding when THEY never are!" This is not healthy, and is not a part of a good relationship.

Con Artist Red Flag 7:
Selective Amnesia and other tricks of the con artist
Notice how when you bring up promises the con artist made to you they deny having ever said it or have forgotten they have said it? This is the con artists version of "selective amnesia", where they hold you to every thing you have said, but when you call them out for what they said, or promised you, they have "forgotten", or you misinterpreted them, or misunderstood. No you didn't. It is their manipulation of their words, they can take them back at any time, change them, however you cannot.

Speaking of words, another word game of the con artist is to promise but never deliver. Keep the victim on the string by promising them or talking about what will happen "someday". (Someday is never going to come, by the way.) You have heard it all, but what have they DONE? What have you really SEEN? Anything? If their words say one thing, and their actions another, you are being conned. People seem to feel words are more important than actions, when in actuality, it is the REVERSE. And, if the actions and words don't MATCH, then the WORDS are LIES. If they tell you they love you, do their actions show it? No? Then they don't love you. If all the promises they make and plans they make are for the future, not NOW, the reality is you have NOTHING now. You get so caught up in what is going to happen "someday" that you don't focus on what is happening TODAY, and that's how they string you along with such ease, and you are like the hamster on the wheel, never getting anywhere.

Con Artist Red Flag 8:
The con artists version of "proving your love"
If the con artist is implying that by not investing money, letting them use your credit card, loaning them money, buying them gifts, footing a bill, that you don't love them, ask yourself this question: Would every member of your family or all of your good friends loan you money, invest with you, foot your bills, etc? No? Does that mean your friends and family don't love you? NO. And since this con artist has a family of his OWN and friends of their OWN why is it always YOU bailing them out? With everything you have done for them, said to them, etc already, why doesn't any of THAT prove you love them? Why must YOU continually prove YOUR love?

Con Artist Red Flag 9:
The military career, the government job with the C.I.A, F.B.I., or undercover police officer, etc
I am not saying that ALL internet daters cannot legitimately work any of those jobs, but way to many con artists use these lines of work to avoid answering your questions, keep from meeting you, hold them unaccountable if they don't call/write/show up, and afford them the luxury of an excuse for just about anything. Please, use your head, an undercover police officer cannot tell their FAMILY and FRIENDS but they are going to tell YOU, someone on the internet that they don't KNOW? Get real.

How many of you has heard of someone talking to an employee of the F.B.I that is awaiting "clearance" so they can meet in person or meet them at work? We have heard this so many times, and wonder how people can believe this! You really think an F.B.I. employee is going to ask his bosses to check into someone they met on the internet so they can meet them or meet them at work? Gee, that could be a great career move, don't you think? Use your head!

Con Artist Red Flag 10:
They would be rich/successful/or not in trouble if.....
Here is the "woe is me" part of their script. There is always someone that "supposedly" screwed the con artist over. (actually, they may give NUMEROUS examples of being screwed over) This is because they do not accept responsibility for anything and blame someone else, and also to illicit sympathy from the victim.

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Could You Fall Victim to a Con Artist? Part 1

Con Artist Red Flag 1:
Con artists have many friends and family members but you never seem to meet them
Con artists know that to be effective they have to hide their past. They are smart enough to know that if they come across as "loners", this may raise a red flag with their next victim. They will often go into great detail describing their friends, family members, co-workers, and experiences they had together. In a way, this makes them (the friends and family) "witnesses" to the lies they are telling you, and give the victim of the con artist a false sense of security. They wouldn't lie about their experiences or who they are if you can easily verify their lie by speaking with their friends and family and associates, right? Wrong. You will NEVER meet these people!

Con Artist Red Flag 2:
Con Artists know that you won't give your money to someone that has none of their own so they brag about how much money they have, or will soon have.
The con artist will try to show you how intelligent they are, make you believe they have an education that they don't, have a career and experience that they don't, and have money that they don't. They then, after convincing you of these things, ask you to pick up a tab (of course they will pay you back, they have the money, it is just tied up right now), invite you to join them in a money-making opportunity (they know what they are doing, they are successful, right?) and present it as if you would be a fool to not take this opportunity.

If you are going to be a couple, you have to have trust them, right? They make you feel that if you don't trust them and do what they ask, the relationship is doomed, and it will be YOUR fault because you didn't trust them. They also want to create the illusion that they are always busy, because they have so many things going on, because then it won't seem so strange to the victim that the con artist isn't available to talk, email, phone, or meet. The only thing they are really busy with is another con, involving another VICTIM, who is being told the same things you are.

Con Artist Red Flag 3:
Con Artists make you feel bad or guilty for questioning them.
There is a big difference between making a decision with your head or your heart. They are smart enough to know that if they win your heart, you money will be a piece of cake to snatch from you. The problem with most people is once they have given their heart, they make all decisions following that with their heart, not their head. Always remember money is a BUSINESS decision and must be made with your HEAD.

The nanosecond money is discussed, a background check should be the first investigate tool you use. The con man knows that most people feel guilty or "bad" for doing such things, and count on you not to do it for that reason. There is no harm in verifying the information being given to you, especially where money is concerned. You have a RIGHT to have that information. If you are considering "investing" financially (or with your heart) in a relationship, invest in a background check as well.

Con Artist Red Flag 4:
Inconsistency At the beginning the con artist will come on strong.
They will try to achieve a "fast sell" very quickly. They will talk for hours on the phone, email you constantly, chat with you on the computer, have kind words and compliments and "warm and fuzzies" by the bucketload. As you get closer to giving them what they want, they will pull back on that behavior. First of all it wasn't genuine in the first place, but the con artist knows that by pulling away and being inconsistent they will make you begin to feel insecure, and this would make you more likely to give them what they want! They take the stance of "I have done everything in my power to show you I am genuine, now it is YOUR turn to step up to the plate". In actuality, what DID they really DO??? Nothing, they just talked the talk. It's what they are good at, not how they REALLY feel about you.

When you catch a con artist in a lie he will get VERY angry with you and turn the tables on you. It is not YOU that is allowed to be mad at THEM for lying, it is THEM that are mad at YOU for questioning them. (THIS IS A HUGE RED FLAG) They will also make you all these promises for the future, of how they are going to take care of you, help you, marry you, etc, yet when you bring these things up further down the line they will DENY having ever even SAID it.

Con Artist Red Flag 5:
You are keeping information or lying to friends and family.
If this person IS such a wonderful person, why can't you tell people the truth about them? Because they would get mad? Yes, they would, because they REALLY DO love you and don't want you hurt. If you ever have to hide your relationship or details about it from those who have PROVEN to be trusted, you are actually HELPING the con artist to succeed! The best and easiest way to con is to separate the victim from friends and family that would HELP them, or WARN them. You should be able to tell the truth about your relationship, and if you cannot, it is because you are being conned, taken advantage of, and mistreated. It is time to face the facts.

Background Report Background Report

Internet Dating / Sweetheart Scams

THE SWEETHEART SCAMS

The sweetheart scam is one of the most devastating scams of all. The victim will not only lose money, a car, property, a business, be left responsible for enormous debt, they will often suffer psychologically and emotional.

The sense of betrayal one feels after being a victim of a sweetheart scam can lead to trust issues (and who can blame them?) and feelings of embarrassment, often so bad they won't report the crimes against them. The internet has been a huge help to sweetheart scammers. The internet has helped them cast a much wider net to "catch" their victims, while they use the cloak of anonymity the internet provides to hide their secrets and schemes, and move on to the next victim.

Many men and women have found themselves the victim of a sweetheart scam, and the come from all backgrounds, races, ages, and education levels. Don't think you have to be incredibly nieve to fall for a sweetheart scam, or that it couldn't happen to you. No victim went into it thinking it could happen to them.

These con artists are professionals, and often make these schemes their sole source of income! Most sweetheart scammers are pulling numerous scams at the same time with multiple victims! Almost every victim of a sweetheart scam has found out, after the con artist "disappeared" that they were not alone and that several others were being duped at the same time.

The term "con" comes from the word "confidence". These people are only as good as their ability to make people believe them, trust them, fall in love with them, and give them money. The con artists in these sweetheart scams will either use a "quickie" scam to get short-term fast cash or the more elaborate scams, that take more time and often will even marry the victim! The time they will invest with each victim depends on how much they can get, and how fast, if ever, the victim begins to catch on. They will do, say, or promise you anything because they want you to trust them and believe in them so it is easier to part you with your money.

They will promise you the world - love, marriage, children, dream homes, lifestyles, and business partnerships, anything. The only catch is all the money used to pay for all these things (and so much more !) will have to be provided by you and you alone. They make promises, YOU are required to deliver up front. There are many common scenarios of how the sweetheart scammer will operate, and here is the most common:

Step 1. They will come on strong in the beginning, have tons of time for you, want to speak with you first thing in the morning, and even right before you go to sleep. There will be numerous long phone calls, emails and chats. They will listen to you, size you up and know just what to say to steal your heart. They will often tell you of their dreams, and of course how they either "had it all" or could have had it all but "something" went wrong which is never their fault. (This done for you to feel sorry for them.) They will tell you all about how they never felt this way about anyone, never felt so much so fast, and will talk about being in "love" way too soon. It will be a complete whirlwind romance!

Step 2. They will ask you to help them out financially, whether it is for a loan on a check that is coming "any day" (but never does) or a business deal that is coming through "any minute" (that never does) or a hospital stay, sickness, or some other "emergency". They can also discuss with you buying property to build your "dream home" (isn't that romantic?) or get you to go into business with them because they have been "burned by so many others" but they feel they can totally trust you. (Nope, all part of the scam.)

Step 3. If you don't hurry up and give them the money they want they will pull away, have to focus their attention on making money (since YOU aren't helping) and can't give you the same attention as they did before (and it is all your fault). They will accuse you of not believing in them, trusting them, loving them, and not full-filling your promises. (But they haven't either, have they?) They will offer contracts to protect you, which in reality cannot protect you. If you sign a contact with them, YOU are responsible to pay the debt, they just run. They don't care about their credit! But yours will suffer. And sue them? Now you are going to pay for a lawyer on top of it? And what will you get from them? They often have NOTHING. Even if you win the lawsuit, who will make sure you get paid? It often becomes a CIVIL, not criminal matter, and you wind up with nothing. (If you can even find them after they disappear.

Step 4. When they do get the money, and feel there is nothing else to take or their victim is getting close to the truth they will either vanish out of the blue, or pick a fight with the victim and vanish. Please don't think if you marry this person that it means they are not sweetheart scamming you. Being married to a sweetheart scammer also does not mean they are not married to other people!! (You would be amazed how often this happens!

This story below was sent in and permission given to print to warn others ahead of time so they don't go through the same thing that they did.

All content and images copyrighted by dangersofinternetdating.com and cannot be used without permission.