Thursday, November 10, 2011

Jose Hernandez -- Yet Another Nigerian Scammer

This story was sent in by a great lady and reader. She sends us all the scammers she encounters. This latest scammer, Jose, talked to her for a long time through email and instant messages. Then came the money request. He needed it to store his heavy machinery. He needed 625 dollars to store them OVERNIGHT. When questioned, he sent her a photo of bulldozers. Not of him in front of the bulldozers, just a random picture of bulldozers. I guess he thought that was going to prove to her that the heavy machinery actually existed. WRONG!!! Here is Jose Hernandez's initial email, and boy is it a long commentary is in purple.

Message from Jose
Monday, July 18, 2011 4:39 AM
"MJD" View contact details


Good Morning from Lagos.. How are you doing today? It feels so good to hear from you.. I get really busy with work and I hope you'll understand that in future if my response arrives late, LOL.. Thanks for the note and your comments. I want to assume you are aware that Kathy is my only daughter. I would like to ask before writing anything that would make me forget. Hope its not a problem that I have a child? And I am also hoping you wont have a problem accepting us as a package, if we ever end up being together. We all want the best for our kids and all I want is for her to have a happy life and healthy relationship with my special woman. I am delighted about how expressive and straight you were in your previous note. I want a serious relationship.. I am not getting any younger and more importantly, I am tired of being lonely. I have missed so many things you cant get unless you are with a partner and I want to make up with time... I am looking for that special woman I can spend the rest of my life, loving and adoring!

Opening my mail to find a mail waiting to be read from you, brought a smile to my face. I am so glad you wrote and I must apologize for the inadequate information in my previous notes. Reading from you makes me so confident about telling you more and more about myself, my life, my wants, my past and my hopes. (He could have stopped that sentence after the word "myself") Sorry I didn't send this mail before now. I got your mail last night but I was ready to sleep and couldn't respond right away. I am taking my time to write this letter before starting my day, after reading your profile again. Kindly take the time to read through. First and foremost, how long have you been looking online? Any good experience? I havent been on the site till lately when I contacted you. I have made up my mind to take the time necessary, to write a detailed email to you, that's why I am writing this email NOW, making sure nothing will disturb or distract me.. (Is this really necessary? To go on and on about basically nothing?)

I have realized so many things about life and I am looking for that special woman to share these experiences and all that life has to offer. (He kinda said that already several times)In my previous marriage, one thing I learned is keeping relationship matters within ourselves and not seeking other people's (who doesn't feel what the couple feels) advice. (Read: Don't tell anyone about me, especially when I ask you for money) I also believe in openness and honesty. (He may believe in it, he just doesn't practice it) With secrets, no relationship will last. OK. A little about me, I am José Hernandez - Douglas, 6ft 2", blue/green eyes, dark brown hair.. I am a Civil Engineer (Construction). I turned 46yrs young on the 31st day of January, LOL! (Jan 31st, 1965). Your turn, tell me some basics about you. More about your job, personality, etc.. Just random stuffs about you. ("Stuffs" huh? And here you were trying to sound so educated.)

Also, what do you think about our age differences. I am divorced. My EX who happened to be my daughter's mom re-married after our divorce and was involved in an accident which took her life and that of her husband. It was a shocker on me and my daughter. Even though we are divorced, she WAS once the love of my life and will forever remain the mother of my daughter. (Of course she will remain the mother of your daughter you idiot)I was born in Majorca, Spain on the 31st day of January 1965, (thanks for including the birthdate again, we may have forgotten it since 6 sentences have gone by) moved with my family to Duluth, GA immediately after my birth. I later moved in with my Uncle in Jamaica, NY when I was 7 years old; after the death of both parents. I lost my dad when I was 6 years old; he had a heart attack when he was in a surgery. I lived with my mom in Duluth for another year and later moved to NY when she died. I guess because of the undying love between them, she forgot she has an only son and left me in the world as an orphan. She just didn't stay long after his death before she died.

More about me; (Thanks for letting us know Jose, we thought you were going to start talking about someone else. *idiot*) I am a very kind-hearted man and I have learnt (obviously Jose you have not learned how to spell) that in life, the only things I can count on is my creator, my instincts and my woman. (And you learned you can count on women by the mother and wife you obviously couldn't count on?) I have been hurt a lot and hope that I will find the right woman for me. I am very serious about meeting my significant partner and I am not ready for games at all. I hope to meet this special woman I can show love to and spend the rest of my life with. I adore children and care about my daughter a lot. I attended the University of Glasgow, in Scotland where I had my B.Sc Civil Engineering. I am very laid-down (don't you mean laid back Jose? What did they teach you at that University anyway?) and down-to-earth. I am also very old-fashioned when it comes to my respect and treatment for women. I am a social wine drinker but a non-smoker, have a great sense of humor and like to spend time with people and make them laugh. (wow, how unique, someone who likes to spend time with people and make them laugh) I have always memorized this quote and it has happened to be my favorite quote + I believe in it strongly: A man can love a thousand different women, but it takes a REAL MAN to love a woman a thousand different ways. (Yeah Jose, just change it to: A scammer can write to a thousand different women, but it take a REAL SCUMBAG to scam a woman a thousand different ways)

I have lived in Anchorage, Alaska. I have lived in St. Albans NY. I was living in Houston, TX before I had to leave for work in March '08. I have been in Africa since that time for a Special Project. (And it must be special since Jose felt the need to capitalize it.) The Construction of New Homes and Renovating the Old ones for Orphans and Less Privileged. Its an innovation of UNICEF and the Peace Corps for the West African States and financed by the Nigerian Government. The project covers five (5) different countries in West Africa; Ghana, Nigeria, Togo, Ivory Coast and Benin Republic. Funding and appraisal is being taken care of by the Nigerian Government. I should be out of here in less than a month, the project shouldn't take this long but because of some unforeseen circumstances, the whole process has been delayed and its taking longer than anticipated. We are at the last country now, which is Nigeria, and the entire project should be concluded between now and the next two weeks.. (and in two weeks he will send a request for funds)

I am divorced (you said that already Jose) and completely unattached and would be glad if I encounter a woman of high caliber, good attitude, self respect and ambition. (and that will send him money) A woman who knows what she wants and is determined to get it. She has to be understanding and sincere that way a relationship would be smoother. Well, at a point in my last marriage I started suspecting my ex's dishonesty and later caught her in bed with my best friend. (and this is how Jose learned from his experiences he can count on women?)Ever since, I have vowed never to get married again, I did try after our divorce but got burnt (long story). I have been hurt badly and that leaves me with a negative impression about women in general. But my daughter has made me understand that all women are not the same. So, I am all out of my cave now to meet that special woman that is just for me. I do believe in soul-mates. More so, this life is very short and I do want to be happy the little time, I have left to live on this planet earth (as opposed to Mars).. I am afraid of growing old alone when Kathy is all grown and out of the home.. I know for sure, that God has the right woman for me when the time comes.

Kathy happens to be my ONLY daughter now (I thought she was his only daughter the whole time? wtf is he talking about?), I love her so much and I am trying to raise her to be one of the rare breed out there: a humble lady who stands by her words, reliable, reputable, independent, self-confident, knows her worth, loves God, treats people (more especially older people) with respect, focused, disciplined, be playful, be fun, great sense of humor always and be a warrior with a tender heart. As for fun: I like mentally stimulating activities and also I like fun. (He did NOT just write he likes "fun"! Is there someone who doesn't like fun?)I adore adventure-traveling, to feel and research the culture of the countries and learn new things. To just hop in the car someday with my family and drive across the States. I enjoy reading, watching movies, swimming, dancing. I like nature: trees, forest, ocean, mountains, beach, zoo. (Jose felt the need to elaborate on what kind of nature he likes. ugh.) I am passionate about flowers, basically nature! (Enough with the nature already!) I like camping, fishing, cycling, biking, golf, all kinds of sports - like the indoors too, I also like the city life. I take a walk when the weather's mild, but go to the pool with my daughter, or sometimes the beach when it's sunny! (So, to sum it up, Jose likes outdoors and indoors. He likes the country and the city. And let's not forget nature.)

Well, it is said that when a relationship ends and you've tried your best, God knows, it is best to move on, and that there is someone waiting, someone special, until then we have our life to rebuild, to do good unto others, to bring joy, even to those we have left behind. The universe has a funny way of circling and recycling. Its rotating, we can not go back unless it is foreseen. There are no rhymes or reason to love. You either love or you do not. (Jose just cut and pasted a bunch of refrigerator-magnet type quotes and put them all together)I want to fall in love again, I am ready and willing to go into a serious relationship that will lead to marriage. Depending on who I meet and her wants, marriage is a possibility not a MUST. I am looking for someone who is secure, balanced, stable, open and knows what she wants in a partner and in life. I want someone who is not afraid of commitment, someone who can communicate well, both with words, feelings and body languages. Someone who will treat me as an equal and not an object. A good sense of humor, outgoing, likes horses and all other animals too.( And she BETTER like NATURE) A romantic person, someone who is not afraid to cook dinner once in a while! Someone who will walk beside me and not in front of or behind me, someone who loves kids and is able to get dirty one minute and get dressed, to go out the next minute. Diversity, maturity, stability, independence and just all-around, imperfect for the world but perfect for me. (I am so ready to throw up.)

A magic relationship, you know when you are sad, when you feel alone, when the world look out so terrible, when people maim and even kill each other, then you need some place to run away, some place where you can feel safe, there you can feel that nothing, none can touch you, hurt you. (that's what the Police Station is for Jose) Exactly that is a relationship for me. I want a family, a home, full of tenderness, sincerity, faithfulness and above all peace. I want love, of-course lots of love. I consider myself good-looking, I am a nice person as well, at-least the people I have had to deal with on daily basis confirmed that. I am sociable. I am affectionate and romantic, friendly and confident. I am open-minded and cheerful. I am trying to describe myself as much as I can with words (someone elses, the rest made up) so you know what to look forward to if things eventually work out for the two of us..(which they won't) That's my hope and the reason why I am making my fingers dance so much on the keyboard, to the rhythm of my heart!! (ok, at this point, EVERYONE should be vomiting)

I work hard and I want to grow both in my job, personally with my daughter as I have always done and now with the woman that I have been waiting for all my life. I just want to fall in love again and I feel "NOW" is the time, I am done with kids except my partner wants another, either by adoption or who knows? The last time I checked, menopause isn't for men, LOL. (menopause is not a word a male should put in his first email to any woman, ever) I am romantic, humorous, caring, loving and faithful. (You said that already. Like 100 times, in a hundred different ways)I hope to find and meet a lady to fall in love with. (Please, write it ONE MORE TIME so we get it, the first 5 went right over our head)I am clever, intelligent, communicative, honest and ready for commitments but also I would like her to be sweet, faithful, caring, comprehensive, family lover, elegant, cheerful and LOVE KIDS. (Jose also likes looking up synonyms in the dictionary, but what he needs to look up is the definition of REPETATIVE) Its really important because I don't want to put my daughter in any jeopardy or in any sort of danger with whoever I end up sharing my future with, a nice family with strong feelings. I am very responsible, kind, calm, serious (just when it's necessary), confident, purposeful, persistent, smart, honest, modest, loyal, flexible, sociable, sensitive, gentle, cheerful, optimistic, considered responsible and with a great sense of humor. (Step away from the thesaurus and the dictionary Jose, this is an intervention) This all sounds like an advertisement, lol.. but anyway I am a bit.... stubborn - in a good way, of-course! (of course!! You are perfect!)

I would love someone who is fun to be around (most guys like women who are a total drag to be around, but not our Jose!), likes to laugh, funny, enjoys the outdoor, (nature) enjoys going for romantic walks, enjoys looking at the stars at night, and watching the Sunset rise over the ocean. I am looking for someone that enjoys the simple things in life, just like I do. I like to meet someone special that I can grow old with, and that we can always look into each other's eyes in decades and realize that the love between us is just as wonderful, strong and exciting as the day we met. I want to love a woman for who she is, to spoil her, and adore her, and let her know just how much she means to me, by the little things I do or say to make her feel special. While she treats me the same way....with love and respect! I am looking for that special someone that I can spend the rest of my life with, we'll grow old together, loving and caring for each other. Even on our worst days we will still be happy in love and can work through anything that comes our way. We will spend countless romantic days and evenings together, just enjoying every bit of the time we spend together both in person and mere thoughts, when we are not together...(*barf*)

I definitely want to find someone that is stable, serious about a relationship and secure. (He just won't stop, will he?) A woman who knows how to treat her man special. I want to find that person that I can't wait to talk to when not together. Someone I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with, and that feels the same way. I am looking for someone that is down to earth, but can also be spontaneous, someone that likes to travel, likes sports, and loves kids. If you like to dance that is a plus but not someone that is into the club scene. Hope I haven't bored you with this long email. (well Jose, that hope is dashed.)I just felt within myself that: "What's worth doing is worth doing well".. hence the stories and ads, LOL! (number 1, not funny. number 2, Jose did not do it well) I will be looking forward to your version of this note. Don't forget to mention what you want in a man. (as opposed to what you want in a kangaroo) I want a woman that can be confident enough to state what she wants in life and in a potential partner. (Then allow me to state that this email SUCKS) And I hope I have been able to express myself, without pissing you off, in telling you the type of man I am to the fullest. (again, hope dashed)

I wait to hear from you. Well, I wrote this mail and I am sending it right away without proof-reading so kindly ignore the mistakes. (read: I am a Nigerian scammer and cannot spell worth a s*it)
Oops! Now, I need a cup of coffee. (And I need a drink) Take good care of yourself and have a wonderful day!

Write when you can.. This may be too much to put in at once!! (correct!)

Hugs and Kisses, (ew)
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO (really? seriously?)
Love waits, (BIG EW + *Barf*)

-José and Kathy. (Don't blame any of this letter on your daughter. Not like she exists anyway, but if she could read she would slap you silly)


  1. He is writing to me as we speak!! Thanks for the info!

  2. OMG hes on how about we!
    He wrote me the same things!!!



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